Sick Humor: A Spoonie Anthem

 

It’s Sunday.  To most people that means possibly a trip to church and then a lazy day with their family.  It means that they start dreading the impending arrival of Monday and the start of a new work week.  Oh, to have a day like that….what I wouldn’t give.  My Sunday is known around my house as “Barfday”.  It’s the day that I take chemo and spend the next 24 hours with my face super glued to the toilet seat and brush my teeth no less than twenty times.  In between all of that, I lie in bed and watch television until I can literally feel m brain cells dying.  On any given Sunday, I can tell you how many episodes of “Criminal Minds” are on A&E and have memories of every “Hoarders” marathon known to man.

Today I decided to get industrious and write a new article that I had been promising for weeks now.  I started with a new document on my computer and typed the same sentence over and over until I just stared at the screen with a blank look on my face.  Writers sometimes hit a creative roadblock that doesn’t budge…no matter how many places we look to for inspiration.  The words just won’t come no matter how much we try to force them.  Spoonies, as a whole, are frustrated more than the average person, but the inability to express myself about drove me to give up and watch an episode of “The Kardashians”.  That, my friends, is desperation at its finest.

Then it hit me.  Why try to be profound?  Why try to be serious and touch the sensitivity in people?  Sometimes we Spoonies just need to laugh.  We need something so silly and ridiculous that it takes our minds off of the pain.  What better way to do that than in song?  Those of you who know me, know that I am tone deaf to the point of being paid NOT to go to karaoke night.  There is no way that I have the musical ability to put words to chords.  I do, however, have the ability to take an existing song, completely destroy it and make it snarktasically…..ME.

So, for pure entertainment purposes, I give you a little song that I suspect will be in your head for days to come.  Sung to the tune of Home On The Range.  You’re welcome.

Oh give me a day,
Where I don’t have to pay,
Three days for five minutes of sun,
Where my hair doesn’t fall out,
And my life’s not about,
A pill bag that weighs half a ton.

Home, home yet again,
Where most of my time I do spend,
I can’t afford fun,
One dinner out and I’m done,
Cause my fingers, I can’t even bend.

I know you don’t understand,
It’s not something I planned,
Or just how plain crappy I feel,
I may not look sick,
No this isn’t a trick,
I assure you my illness is real.

Home, home yet again,
Where most of my time I do spend,
I can’t afford fun,
One dinner out and I’m done,
Cause my fingers, I can’t even bend.

This face I put on,
Doesn’t mean pain is all gone,
It’s just so that I won’t expose,
That the snores you do make,
While I lay wide awake,
Make me want to clothespin your nose.

Home, home yet again,
Where most of my time I do spend,
I can’t afford fun,
One dinner out and I’m done,
Cause my fingers, I can’t even bend.

Now my face is all rashed,
My day is all trashed,
My knees are as big as balloons,
All my muscles just ache,
No more can I take,
Just lost a whole week’s worth of spoons.

Home, home yet again,
Where most of my time I do spend,
I can’t afford fun,
One dinner out and I’m done,
Cause my fingers, I can’t even bend.

The next time you complain,
About some random pain,
Or the annoying cold that you caught,
To walk in your shoes,
Is what I would choose,
Be thankful for what you have got.

 

Written by: Stephanie Kennedy

About Stephanie:
Stephanie lives in Fayetteville, NC and was diagnosed with SLE in 2001 and in the time since, has added Scleroderma, Hashimoto’s and Celiac’s disease to the original Lupus diagnosis. In her day-to-day life she is a Community Relations Specialist (aka, marketing and creative hodgepodge facilitator) and for the past two years has served on the Executive Steering Committee for the LFA’s Fayetteville Walk For Lupus Now event.
©2024butyoudontlooksick.com

  • Haha, love it. Very funny song.

  • Amy

    Great job! Love the tune, keep being you, don’t try & be profound all the time. I’ve been a nurse for ages, although I haven’t been able to do hospital bedside nursing for a long time & haven’t been able to work in a couple years now. I know there were some of my patients who had no sense of humor, but the ones who did always said they felt better knowing I’d tell them tacky jokes & silly stories about myself or just general things that happen in teh world. I was often told I should’ve been a comedian because I knew how to see the funny in everyday life, but I never had the energy & now it’d most definitely be, well, sick humor? 😉

  • KATHY GORMAN

    That was buetiful!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sending this to my children so that can see that mom is laughing again. It has been so very long. As I sang(off key) my cat ran out of the room. Thank you for bringing back my laugh. God bless

  • Faye

    So funny and well written. Thanks so much for sharing this.

  • TammySue Davis

    You my friend are ONE of my spoons
    Thank you for being bave enough to share your wisdom, humour and talent so transparently.

  • Jennifer Burgess

    That was hilarious! I, too, laughed extremely hard at the part about the snoring! This happens on a nightly basis with my hisband and me! Sometimes it’s both him and the dog driving me mad! lol! I know he will laugh at that when I show him the song! I also loved the part about the pill bag that weighs half a ton! So true!!! 😀

    Thanks so much for taking the time, energy, and spoons to write something to make us laugh! I really believe in the power of laughter! Humor is what helps me survive! I have Lupus, fibromyalgia, Peripheral Neuropathy, Degenerative Disc Disease, and several injuries to my spine.

    Thanks for helping me hurt just a little bit less today through your humor! May you be blessed with many spoons! ♥♥♥

  • Penny Susan

    Taking the words from a wise friend of mine…another article written and hit out of the ball park.

  • Melody Ream

    I can only imagine the spoons you used to write this! I love it so much, as I can relate so well. I do force myself up every Sunday to go to Sunday School and Church. Last Sunday was my last week of teaching 5th and 6th grade Sunday School. That used many spoons each week to not only go but also in the preperation. I’m relieved to become a student again and not teach this upcoming year. I feel God gave me the spoons to share my faith with my students this past year, and it was worth the pain and spoons.
    Thank you again for putting into words our pain and sorrows. You are so blest as a writer.

  • Heather

    Thank you so much for this. It’s nice to know that we’re not alone in this horrible disease!!!! It’s also nice to find humor in it at times!!!! I laughed so hard! Sometimes I wish people truly understood how true these statements are. Lol! Once again, thank you so much for sharing!

  • fantastic!!! nothing like a laughter to help you through the day . i was diagnosed with lupus and ra 5 years. it is truly an unbelievable journey. totally out of our own control. i fiund humor daily it really does help. thank you

  • Thanks Stephanie, having been off sick for 10 weeks now and my other half climbing the wall with me, this just made my day, week, month! Hang in there pet. 🙂

  • Rachel Schroeger

    Stephanie,

    Great Song…just what I needed to cheer up my day!! Thank You

  • Thanks for taking what we all feel and making it funny!

  • Dottie Balin

    Stephanie,

    Great job, very true and I’m sure we can all relate.

    Thanks… 🙂

  • Lauren

    I LOVE this!!! I giggled so hard and was singing it in my head. I just might have to sing it at school for the benefit of all my friends…a lesson in dealing properly with spoonies. 😉

  • ChrisAnne

    I agree this is great. I couldn’t even read it; I had to sing it! But please do not take Kara’s advise. There is already to much Hannah Montana in this world.
    Please keep smiling and thank you for helping someone who is out of spoons to smile.

  • Kara

    Very nice. Now if you could do that to a Hannah Montana/Miley song. That would be truly awesome! 😉

  • Jen

    LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!!!!
    I really needed that today.
    Huggs

  • Thank YOU for taking the time and energy to write this – I’m still laughing about it and humming it in my head. I, too, use humor to help alleviate the stress of dealing with chronic illness. I have Fibromyalgia, CFIDS, RSD (fortunately, it’s just in my left lower arm at present) and I will be seeing a Neurologist soon to see if I have MS. Stephanie – You are an inspiration to all of us Spoonies out here – Please keep up the good work! You are in my prayers!

  • Erin Talley

    Well done!

  • Sheri

    OMG! I’m laughing as I’m singing the whole thing in my head…and then I hit the part about the snoring…and just about spit out my drink! LMAO! That happened to me the other night with my boyfriend. He had no idea how close he came to death that night! When you’re in so much pain you can’t sleep, snoring is the LAST think you want exaserbating the problem! lol

  • Ivy

    Love it Steph!

  • Courtland

    Another GREAT one Steph. Many/Most people dont understand what you and so many others deal with on a daily basis. Your sense of humor is also always one part of your being that is never impacted. Love You!!!

  • Teri

    Once again, you make me laugh and cry at the same time. I’m probably going to have to smack you Wednesday if I am still humming this. 😉

  • I read the whole thing and sang the song in key 😉
    It’s nice to have a better insight to your situation.

    Love Ya Cuz-In-Law,
    Chip & Jamie

    P.S. Jamie has been tested and tested for Lupus, it’s been negative, but she was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. She was STRONGLY advised by her Rheumatologist not to drink any alcohol. When she heeds that advice of her doctor… ironicly her simptoms decrease. Although it is a difficult balance between Jamie wanting to “have a good time” by ATTEMPTING to forget her worries & pain by TRYING to loosen up and COPE by knocking back a few beers, glasses of wine or cosmoplitian martinis and the inevitavble consiquences the next day… One Day At A Time, Right??

    As you are well aware, about 25% of people who have lupus also have fibromyalgia. It’s important for people who have lupus to know about fibromyalgia for several reasons. Many of the symptoms are the SAME. For example, fatigue, joint and muscle pain, morning stiffness, HAND symptoms without observed swelling, Raynaud’s phenomenon (painful hands or feet in response to cold), numbness, and headaches can be seen in both of these disorders. However, as you most likely know, the treatments for lupus and fibromyalgia are VERY different.

    Fibromyalgia is not a disease but a syndrome (a cluster of symptoms and signs of disordered function) that causes chronic, widespread musculoskeletal pain. The pain typically includes particular areas of increased sensitivity called tender points – spots where application of mild finger pressure causes pain without spreading beyond that site. Fibromyalgia is often associated with one or more other symptoms, such as: sleep problems, fatigue, stiffness, skin tenderness, pain after exertion such as exercise, lightheadedness, fluid retention, paresthesias (sensations of numbness, tingling, or other heightened sensitivity), or cognitive problems (including difficulty with memory and vocabulary).

    Diagnosing fibromyalgia can be difficult because there are NO Tests to confirm the diagnosis and because the symptoms can be similar to so many other disorders. Thus, it is a clinical diagnosis made by the physician after ruling out other possible causes of the symptoms, including lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, other connective tissue diseases, and under-active thyroid.

    People with fibromyalgia have ups and downs, just as people with lupus do. They don’t hurt all the time. Similarly, stress, anxiety, and other emotional or physical stresses may make symptoms worse. However, in long-term studies of people with fibromyalgia, most still have the illness 10 to 15 years later, although two-thirds are somewhat better.

    http://www.hss.edu/conditions_14358.asp

  • Chelle

    You have added humor and laughter to a serious subject!! I am sure this will make many people smile. I am grinning ear to ear!