Handicap Parking and My Invisible Illness

 

I have an invisible illness. To look at me you would see a short, fat, middle-aged grandmother. Sometimes I walk with a cane, but most of the times I don’t need it. I have a handicapped parking tag hanging on the mirror of my car. I park in handicapped spots. However, I get nasty looks when I get out of my car because I look normal.

I am not “normal”, I have Fibromyalgia. This is a connective tissue disorder. The health professionals’ don’t know what causes it, or how to cure it. There is no blood work that says, yes, you have it or, no, you don’t. It is diagnosed by a list of symptoms and a series of pressure points on the body.
They symptoms of Fibromyalgia are many and varied. What affects one sufferer may not affect another. In my case it is chronic fatigue and chronic pain. The fatigue can be overwhelming. Some days, just thinking about getting out of my bed or my chair is more than I can deal with. Doing everyday activities like washing my hair may not be possible because I can’t hold my arms up long enough to lather in the shampoo much less have any remaining strength to rinse it out.

Chronic pain is another major symptom of this disease. It is not like any pain I have ever had. My muscles hurt. My joints hurt. My skin hurts. It hurts to have the lightest touch. Being hugged can be torture. Shaking hands feels like a vise. This is where the pressure point diagnoses comes in. There are eighteen pressure points on your body. A doctor who is familiar with the illness knows how hard and where to press. If he gets a reaction on eleven of the eighteen, it is considered a diagnosis. The day I went in because of the pain, I had a response to all eighteen pressure points.

Other symptoms that go with the illness do not in and of themselves mean you have Fibro. They can be indicators of other illnesses or mean nothing at all. I have a tendency to drop small items such as keys. I have also dropped large items because I thought I had a good grip on them and didn’t. This is not always constant and some days are better than others.

It can also alter your vision. Some days it is hard to focus and other days I have clarity of vision I haven’t had in years. Some days I can walk as I did ten years ago, and some days it is all I can do to make my legs work. Some days I can eat whatever I want. Some days my stomach is in an uproar and getting any distance from a toilet is not an option.

How does this affect my everyday life? In some ways, it has been extremely negative. I have well-meaning friends and family tell me about the latest miracle cure. They also give me unsolicited advice such as if you would only . . . fill in the blank . . . you would feel better. On the other hand, there is this wonderful new doctor, treatment or vitamin that will surely cure me. They are offended when I don’t jump at the latest offering or advice, but what they don’t understand is that I have looked at all the suggestions they are offering me, and I found them lacking, quackery or just plain dangerous.
I can no longer work, even part-time. The fatigue and pain would put me to bed. I know, because I tried working part-time. At the end of the first two weeks, I was in tears. At the end of the second two weeks, I was in the bed for most of the next five months.

My love life is not what I want it to be. It is difficult for my husband to make love to me knowing that his slightest touch can be painful. This might work if you are married to a sadist, but most husbands don’t want to hurt their wives. The fatigue also plays havoc with my love life. I get tired quickly.
I have three beautiful grandchildren. I have not bonded with the youngest two as well as I have with the oldest. Because of the fatigue and tendency to drop objects I didn’t hold them as much as I did the first one.All of this led to a tremendous amount of guilt and anger. These have to be dealt with in order to move on with your life.
Grieve.
Grieve for the abilities you have lost.
Grieve for the uncontrollable changes in your life.
Grieve for the plans you had that will not come to pass.
Grieve for the you, you could have been.
Get angry.

Find someone who will listen without judging. Who will let you blow off steam. If cussing makes you feel better, use every foul word you ever heard and make up new ones. Get it out of your system. Dealing with the guilt and the anger are not going to happen overnight, and once you deal with it doesn’t mean it will be gone forever. You will have periods where they will come back. Don’t be alarmed or get depressed, well maybe for a little while you can be depressed, but deal with them in the way you know works for you. The only exception here is substance abuse. It is very tempting to drink, smoke pot, do pills or eat yourself into a stupor to make it all go away. However, this are only temporary fixes, and adds to your problems. It is not what you would tell your children or your friends to do. So, don’t you. (End of sermon)

All is not lost. I have been able to make positives out of the negatives. I now work from home as a freelance writer. It has been a slow journey, but I am making progress. I have written a few articles and been paid for them. I was a regular book reviewer for Romantic Times Bookclub Magazine, and had to stop as I had a short story published. I am developing an online reputation as a writer doing research columns, writing book reviews and teaching classes online.

My husband and I are learning to adapt to the illness and have a mutually satisfying love life. My children and grandchildren are learning to cope and know that they are loved in spite of what I can no longer do. We are learning how to adapt the activities we love to do as a family so I can take part and everyone can have a good time.

My friends and family are learning to look carefully at treatments and doctors not just for me, but for themselves too.

Now, if I could just get people in parking lots to quit giving me dirty looks when a “normal” looking woman gets out of a car parked in a handicapped spot.

Submitted by guest writer Deborah Brent

©2024butyoudontlooksick.com
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  • Valari Elardo

    My heart goes out to you. I admit I get up in their faces sometimes but you were just living your life, right? I learned my lesson when I yelled at a football player type and his 3 friends for idllng in the yellow striped space between the two handicapped spots (it happens ALOT at one) local sore) because I needed that space to open my door wide enough to not hurt my back twisting to get out of my seat…they ALL got out of the car and technically-their threat was assault (battery is when they actually touch you). But I was shaking too much and just got back in my car and watched as they tried to follow me! In your case, that was assault too and next time….take out your cell phone, snap photos and at least consider filing a report with your local police. (I did do that once when someone did a srive by screaming at me- I stuck my phone out the window and made sure the passenger saw me with the camera phone)

  • Uneverknow

    You are just plain mean and totally don’t understand some peoples complexities. Have you ever not driven and have you always followed rx instructions? Why don’t you add a few more stipulations to the privilege to drive. Time and reflex response tests for everyone over 65, 70, 75 and 80. Every year after 80. ( with Dr note stating no meds are needed so they’re driving unimpaired. ) Also should test for 20/20 vision, hearing exam etc yearly. If they fail any part, should they drive at all? Just because someone describes their day without excruciating pain as a good day ( not many people even understand this statement ) WHY you think they are fine and should walk any distance to their car and get hit by a 90 year old pulling out of hc space . The elderly driver’s blood pressure is high and they are morbidly obese, thus the tag. They then run over a 30 year old, stage 4 cancer patient with complications-but looks good, with 3 kids because an elderly patient was in greater need of hc pkg card and the victim was ” having a good day ,”. We can make our own judgement calls, we do not need your interference. Ps-please, I have
    nothing against elderly drivers, this was an example. Pps-malls have free scooters for shopper-ppps-you are spending too much negative energy. I appreciate a good debate, this just isn’t one of them.

  • Uneverknow

    Nobody would look at me and know that I have had multiple surgeries, rods, plate and +90 pins in my body. But once I was almost attacked! A man very obviously followed me into store while screaming in the lot and store about his friends in Military (which I highly respect btw) that were “REALLY” handicap and that I was a piece of **** for parking in a hc space. I was too afraid to comment and luckily a very alert cashier notified security as this guy pulled a weapon and shouted how “worthless” I was I was kindly escorted from the store (after making my purchases) when store security asked ” what’s really wrong with you, you look fine.”. My answer, you will never know, as some things are too painful ( and monotonous for me to repeat-and most really don’t care) to share. But never assume, as you may be speaking to someone who is dying a painful death, right before your eyes. It hurts a lot:(.

  • Uneverknow

    Seriously you are sick-more than all of us together.
    Look up the word compassion.

  • Valari Elardo

    I tell them I would trade my pain for their life in a minute

  • Valari Elardo

    It is illegal for them to ask – there, any employer, an airline or any other transit- even the front desk at your own doctor’s offi
    ce.

  • Valari Elardo

    Revolting and they were wrong! ADA = The placard is so you have the freedom to drive yourself OR have a driver for you!

  • rrw

    Yeah. Haha. It’s funny till you live it. Be smug … took someday it’s you or someone you love suffering.

  • Nancy

    I have the same problem. I am 57 and look healthy, but have Caude Equine Syndrome. A spinal cord injury from crushed nerves leaving me with so many different pain and muscles that don’t work right or not at all. I have worked hard to keep my body working as best as I can. Walking can be hard, my ankle reflexes are gone and at time my feet don’t want to move. I get the look when I roll up in my car to park.

  • lynn cooper

    Deb, i have the same reaction here ib the UK, if they only knew how much effort it took to even go out of the house they may be a bit more understanding, but i doubt it!! lynn cooper

  • Rebecca

    I park in handicap or as near as possible when going to the mall. Sometimes I use a wheelchair at the mall, sometimes not. The key here is limiting the amount of walking time and avoiding difficult “terrain”. If I have to hike up the slope, on the hard pavement, up to the mall, I am pretty much done by the time I hit the door. Forget any walking in the mall.

  • Bailey Johnson

    I feel very similar regarding insomnia. Some days I know I’m flat-out in too much pain to sleep. Other days I think it’s a subconscious defense against waking up. Mornings are the hardest time of day for me. I’m in the most pain, my emotional walls are down, I’m vulnerable. I know waking up on an average day means a few hours of intense pain until the hot water, heating pad, and medication until the pain eases just enough I can function. Consciously I know this is silly, I have to sleep and wake up sometime. Subconsciously I think the longer I stay up the longer it will be until the morning comes and I feel worse. Kind of like a child going to bed at 5pm on Christmas Eve thinking it makes Christmas Morning come that much faster 🙂

    You aren’t alone. This site makes me cry in empathy and relief,l knowing I’m not alone. No one would wish chronic illness on anyone, but if we have to suffer it seems to help to do it with people who truly understand your situation. I wish you all the best <3

  • SoonToBeMD

    I’ll attempt to forgive your ignorance, but it isn’t a small task. I’m not disabled, but I’m in medical school and understand the reasons for handicapped parking for these people. I usually don’t comment on things like this, but things need to be cleared up here. Pushing the brake takes a lot less than walking-when you walk you are carrying ALL of your body weight on your feet. If these people are having a good day, they still need the close parking to KEEP it a good day (if you haven’t read the spoon theory, I suggest you do so). Another instance-I recently saw a patient that uses handicapped parking because of multiple blood clots in their lungs. Each extra step makes it more difficult for them to breathe, regardless of if they’re taking their oxygen with them or not. This patient LOOKS fine, but if they had to park further, they would look a lot less fine by the time they returned to their car. This person is only a passenger, so risk of heart attacks during driving aren’t a concern, so don’t even go there.

  • Chode

    I have a paper cut on the bottom of my big toe, it causes severe pain when I sleep or whenever I apply pressure towards it such as walking. The doctor said I should take some ibuprophen to lessen the pain. I can barely get by the day without having to sit down and rest. The doctor said he would give me a handicap parking pass

  • Pennie

    Thank you for you support and a kind words!

  • Pennie

    Thank you for such kind words and support!

  • Julia

    I have severe MCS and must wear a mask in public. Once someone asked me why I wear a mask, was it asthma? I coolly replied “lung cancer” and walked away. REALLY? Is this something about which it is polite to ask??

  • Julia

    I agree with Jennifer. You touched my heart and I pray that you find some relief. Love to you Pennie.

  • William Neill

    Most people are able to tell when they are rested enough or sober enough to drive, It is a judgement call every driver makes every day, some better than others.

  • William Neill

    I personally do not like the hanging placards. Opting for the plates I often get the police called on me. As far as placards go I’d like to see them coded. First three characters should be the expiration month and year. Final character M/F for male or female. Other changes are that spaces should be required to meet all legal standards including MUTCD R7-8 signage. Parking in loading area of a handicapped space should be considered the same as in the space. Theft of a placard should have the same penalty as theft of license plates, a felony in Ohio.

  • Jack

    Handicap parking (reserved spaces) are part of the ADA regulations to ensure access to goods and services. Access from a parking context entails rules about reserved spaces themselves, signage, and routes to/from. In laymen’s terms, there needs to be a barrier free means to exit your vehicle and enter a building. The only distance rule is that the reserved spaces must be located on the shortest accessible route of travel from adjacent parking to an accessible entrance.

    Distance however is not the vital part of handicap parking. Barrier free access from getting out of your vehicle to entering the building is. The slop/grade, the access aisle, the surface material, the curb cut, the door handle, etc. Even if a reserved spot was only 3 feet from the building, it wouldn’t be much good if you had to climb a 20 foot ladder, swing on a rope, drop through a window and land on an air mattress to get in.

    Distance is still an important factor and one of the main contentions when it comes to handing out permits. The contentions stem from variable distances each business requires to access their goods and services. A small coffee shop may take only 20 feet, a drug store may take 125 feet, a grocery store 500 feet, a baseball stadium 1000 feet, a large mall 2500 feet, etc. Add to this, the varying distances a person with a disability may be able to cover from day to day, hour to hour. There is no one distance that works for everyone and everywhere.

    The good news is there are many readily available means to assist with distance when barrier free access is provided: Wheelchairs, scooters, walkers, crutches, canes, etc. These mobility devices allow for turning distance into a convenience factor rather than a need. Simply choose the device you need to cover the distance involved. Eligibility for a handicap parking permit could then be determined by access aisle. If an access aisle is required to enter/exit your vehicle or transfer to your mobility device, you would qualify for a handicap permit.

  • Chelsea

    I told my doctor about the days I can’t even shampoo because I cannot hold my hands up long enough to do it and he gave me a look like “Are you kidding me? You’re only 23. “– Im glad to hear Im not alone. I love this site.

  • barbershop_quartet

    But Moody… if you can barely walk back to your car, that takes us back to the stuff I was talking about before, regarding Public Safety. If you’re barely able to walk, chances are you’re barely able to lift your foot off the gas in time for a light turning Red, or an innocent pedestrian on a crosswalk.

  • moody

    One may feel pretty good when they get to the store. Parking in the Handi cap parking helps when you can barely walk to your car when you are leaving the store ….

  • Jennifer Corkran

    Wow, that is a very young age to have all of this start. I was 21 when I began cancer treatment. Now, at 36, I am suffering the effects of that treatment. Massive amounts of radiation to the brain results in some interesting side effects. I am now attending college in order to keep my health insurance. I’m constantly terrified that I will never be well enough to have a “normal” job. I have had the parking officers inform me that I was parked in a handicap space on numerous occasions. Yes occifer, that would be why I have this here blue and white plastic thing dangling from my rear view mirror 😉

  • Jennifer Corkran

    Pennie, I hope you are okay today. I don’t know you, but I do. Isn’t this amazing to reach out to others?!? I have recently discovered sites such as this online. It is amazing what emotions arise when reading other people’s stories. You grabbed my heart instantly.Love to you and I hope you will receive a few painless moments.

  • Jennifer Corkran

    I was reading more comments here and had an epiphany. Why don’t we all live together?!? I used to live in a family home in the Middle East, plenty of space and privacy, with loved ones close by at the same time. I love you all already!!! It’s so hard to feel as if you need to live in an assisted living center one day, and be perfectly fine the next. I think my insomnia has something to do with never knowing which state I will be in when I awake… Well, that and the pain. What do we do? Ugh ;( One thing is for sure, we don’t give up. The comment about the elderly woman calling the police makes me sick!!! I imagine you were a kind enough person not to ask for her health (or lack there of) documentation. My nana (who’s 93) would smack someone for implying that her age disabled her in any way whatsoever. Sending happy thoughts to you all 😉

  • Jennifer Corkran

    I am having one of those days… I’ve been stuck in bed, worrying over all the things I need to be accomplishing. My physician has just informed me that she will NOT be signing paperwork to renew my handicap parking permit. It would have been nice to know that 3 weeks ago… I had/have late stage Lyme disease and many problems related to the treatment of soft-tissue sarcoma of the orbit (radiation, chemo, surgery, etc.). Some days I can do anything and everything, then there are the days like today. I am happy to find I am not alone. I realize this is a slightly selfish thought, as I am not happy so many others are suffering too. When you look “normal”, people often can’t/won’t/don’t understand any part of your daily internal battle. I imagine you all are the people I see out there who enjoy every moment of movement, every chance to just chat with the store clerk, because you are so overjoyed to have had the strength to make it to the store in the first place. We are the people who stop to smell the roses, well unless a sudden rose allergy develops… That just means it’s time to switch to dandelions, haha. Well, I think you are all awesome and I wish you all many more happy days ahead. Keep smiling, even when it hurts 😉

  • Nyo

    Oh… this makes me so incredibly angry! No one other than your doctor needs to know about your medical conditions. It is none of their business! Your placard was granted on advice of a medical professional and that should be more than enough for anyone!

  • dp

    I have my placard for Type 2 CRPS and rarely drive more than a few miles at a time. I was doing my shopping when I ran into a friend at the store and his son who offered to drive me home. His son went to get the car to bring it to the door because I could barely walk and there was an officer parked behind it asking for verification and another person being very rude. I pushed the cart to car, apologized and showed the officer my license and disabled ID card. He asked what my disability was and how it “supposedly” (his words) allowed me to take a disabled spot from an elderly woman. She had seen me park and sat behind my car the entire time eventually calling the police. When I told the officer that my disability had already been verified and was private information he wanted the name of my Dr (as the elderly woman was complaining and calling me a liar)> I refused again and was issued a ticket suspending the use of my placard. I went to court with a letter from my Dr and was told that if I had a driver I had no right to use the disability spot if it was the last one available and if I was incapable of driving to and from my destination I should have a driver. It took me almost three months to get my privileges reinstated.

  • mlvlatina

    I could have written most of this as well…

  • barbershop_quartet

    So when your condition is great and you’re having… as PainInMe said “have the exceptional day where we are functioning as well as anyone else on the road” or as Happy To Be Alive said “personally speaking, I am at my best, not my worst, when I choose to drive”, then really you shouldn’t be using the card because you’re doing fine, right? It should be used by Elders who are barely able to get around All The Time, or People in Wheelchairs who will be in a chair All The Time. But if your day is going great and you don’t really NEED that parking pass, why use it? Or do you feel you deserve it?

  • Lynn

    Yeah, no. I jumped through the hoops to get my disabled parking permit. I’m not going to go parading information about my health problems around on it every time I park simply because people think they’re entitled to question my use of my own freaking permit.

  • Panheadvic

    Panheadvic, Oh what I would do without this Painful 24/7 disease. I want my old life back too. It will never come back. I will never see Sturgis Bike Rally again. I went every year. I can’t even get out of bed in a.m. This has sucked all of my energy. And there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. My sister-in-law has lupus..But she still works everyday. She says shes on the right MEDS. But she still goes into Flare-ups..And that’s when she works from home..With R.S.D.that I have, you cant stand noice either. I can relate to Janquito….I cry a lot, a lot. This pain is unbearable…I just want my life back. I was a Dive Instructor. It’s all gone. I can’t even hold my legs up in a pool..They sink..I don’t want my friends to see me like this..It’s starting to make me look old. From all the Pain..anxiety, lonliness. Lonliness is so hard..I am alone a lot. I hate it…

  • Happy To Be Alive

    Well said, Shauna. I would like to add that personally speaking, I am at my best, not my worst, when I choose to drive. It’s unfortunate that some people fail to even consider this fact, but rather make assumptions based solely on what they see at that brief moment in time.

  • PainInMe

    First people who use these placards are not necessarily impacted negatively by their conditions that caused them to seek the placard in the first place (e.g. if MS caused you to get a pass because you can’t walk very far that does not mean that you are incapable of keeping your foot on the gas pedal or engaging the break when needed to in normal conditions or emergency conditions).

    Second, there are far too many of us who are sufferers from multiple conditions which vary in intensity from day-to-day. One day we could have the exceptional day where we are functioning as well as anyone else on the road so how is it fair to identify us as being dangerous because we have the placard?

    By the same reasoning it is equally ridiculous to declare that the drivers without the placards are all, by assumption, are safer drivers as they have better strength in their limbs and can concentrate better as they aren’t as tired or in pain.

  • Renee Stevens

    I cried while reading your article because it sounds like you wrote it about me! I cry alot. I used to be such a go-getter, no more. Just sitting here typing is painful. I used to have more good days but at only 51 the good days are few and far between. Doctors have put me on 25 daily medications that I am taking, but many days I’d like to throw them in the trash! In my 20’s, I used to say I’m too young to feel this old. I still believe that. So anyway, on those “good” days I am still handicapped. I can make the slightest movement and get excruciating pain in my back and it shoots down my leg(s). I am in CONSTANT pain. I try really hard to have the mindset of: I woke up with my aches and pains, but I woke up! I cannot work now (I did work from the age of 10 til 48), yet have been denied Social Security three times. I thank God for family and friends that have been such great emotional and financial support

  • Try Mischief

    I got so fed up with being given “the eye” that one day, when I had just pulled in to a disabled space, but hadn’t yet hung up my handicapped tag, a woman came and stood in front of my car with her arms crossed. I was feeling a bit devilish that day, so I fiddled around with things in my purse, just fooling around and watching her really build up a head of steam, and just as she was approaching my door, I hung my disabled tag on the mirror! This was ridiculous fun. She stopped in her tracks, staring, with her mouth open. Next, I got out of the car and I hobbled into the store with a gait like that of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. (I have chronic fatigue syndrome and am only allowed to walk 5000 steps a day. I have no limp.) Of course, once inside the store, I had to dive into the ladies’ room and stay there until I could stop laughing. Every time someone is rude to me (to which my current response is “so, how much oxygen do you derive from the air you breathe? I get only 80%.), I think of this ever-so-indignant woman and have a chuckle.

  • Mary

    I print out copies the “The Spoon Theory.” I have it ready to hand out to people. I haven’t had to yet, but I plan on saying, as I hand it to them, “Just saving spoons.”

  • kmiarussi

    I walked easily 6 miles a day(several times a week) and the one day I woke up with every joint in my body swollen and painful. Fibromyalgia soon followed. I was very active before my illnesses(the joints is Psoriatic Arthritis). I would give anything to tear up my handicap placard and go back to walking those 6 miles.

  • Shauna

    I completely disagree with you, Bethanie. Some people do not know their own limits or refuse to be responsible enough to recognize them. If what you said was true, people would not drink and drive either. If someone who was on heavy medication and drove (knowing how medication can affect differently), or their leg was too weak or hurt too bad to be fully functional in an emergency situation, it absolutely is every other driver, passenger, pedestrian, family member, pet owner, whoever’s right to have a say in it! Would you let a 10 year old drive just because they think they can? Would you be ok with one of your family/friends being killed in a MVA because someone really could not get their leg to lift and apply pressure to the brake quick enough and hard enough? All because someone’s pride or ignorance of their limitations let them drive?! And before you chastise me for not knowing how people with disabilities/hidden illnesses feel, please know that I do. I have CRPS/RSD, fibro, and neuromyotonia….so yes, I do know all about it, but I have enough consideration for other people to know that do have a right to point out an unsafe situation that very well could affect them and/or their loved ones. The rude part of his comment was the reply you gave, because you obviously value your pride and privacy over the welfare, or basic right to life, of other people.

  • Jo Anna

    Regarding the dirty looks when folks don’t see your parking permit: I kept forgetting to put mine up, and our traffic officer adviced me to tape it into the corner of my windshield. I haven’t had a parking ticket since, and it’s been six years! I live in Oregon, so whether this is acceptable elsewhere is something you’d need to check on for yourself. God bless us all.

  • Pennie

    Thank you so much for sharing your feelings and thoughts. It is nice to know that I am not alone. I have Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation, Occipital Neuralgia, Intracranial Hypertension, Spinal Stenosis, Fibromyalgia, and other medical issues. Many days I am crying my self to sleep if I can sleep cause the pain is too severe that I eventually pass out from exhaustion. I hardly leave my room let alone my house. I deal with so many people in my life who do not undeerstand or want to try which is liike a knife to my heart as none of us asked for these diseases. Blessings to you and your family.

  • Here in Rome, NY 1440, I can’t get a handicap sticker the city won’t give me one and I am classified as 99% disabled at the age of 32 I was classified as disabled and again my percentage went up again from 95% to 99% and this piece of crap city still won’t give me a handicap pass for my suv. my soon to be 2nd husband has too drive and I am only allowed once n awhile too drive cause of my vision and I have too wear glasses at all times now

  • Aj Gante-Ramsey

    Theresa I had someone call a police officer on me at a public library for parking in a disabled spot. my car had disability license plates and when the cop talk to me he apologized because he found out I was service connected military disability and I just happened to have my award letter stating my disability because I needed it that day at the VA. People are just plain mean and spiteful.

  • Aj Gante-Ramsey

    your not alone. I’m 36 and I look normal but still disabled and can’t work or anything and haven’t been able to work for almost 20 years now. I even got to the point of making bumper stickers for my cars. The only place I get any respect is at the VA when I see my doctors and at the airports when they wheel me around to and from my gate and plane.

  • Amanda Hugankiss

    So very sorry.

    I yelled back once one day after being harassed at 2 shoppes as well “I AM effing handicapped”. I’d been exhausted, hurting like hec k, trying to pick up medication w/ my 2yr old & couldn’t take anymore. I STILL get it now, have even flipped off my wig & the bird at the same time. It’s almost as neverending as some of our challenges we face.

    Will keep you in thoughts.

  • TeresaC

    I have the same thing. I have even had people come up to me when parking telling me I have no right to park in a disabled bay. I tell them I have every right then get out of my car after putting up my disabled badge – these people never apologise. I have even had a woman stop in her car and shout out asking where my wheelchair is. I said ‘excuse me’, to which she replied ‘you are parked in a disabled bay, where’s your wheelchair’. I shouted very abusively back to her ‘I am parking here because I am f*****g disabled. I scared her so much she actually drove back out the car park. It takes such a lot for me to loose my temper but this woman just pushed me having to ‘warrant’ being disabled a little too far!!! So no you are not the only one who gets judge by appearance. x

  • Thumper327

    Wow I’m not alone! I’m sick of bad looks for using disabled spaces!
    I’m in uk n its hard to get a badge, I have Behçet’s disease which causes rhumatoid arthritis, ulcerations anywhere but mostly mouth nose n genitals, sight problems, severe pain all over, it attacks anywhere blood flows as is a form of vasculitis. It’s currently attacking my kidneys so get pain and sweats n infections. I have ulcerative colitis, possible Crohn’s too so need to get to loo urgently! If I walk more than a few steps the stomach cramps and pain start. I have elhos danlos syndrome and always dislocate or sublax my right ankle so fall all the time! I use an electric wheelchair but occasionally will use tick if a good day and feeling ok. I have fibromialgia, ME/CFS, steroid induced diabetes, I’m mostly bed ridden but on the very odd good day I will go out. I drive an automatic so much easier and I wouldn’t drive if I didnt think I was safe!
    I also agree if you park closer to shop you may be better to walk inside but if walked a distance through car park you start in agony!
    I don’t think anyone should ever judge! If someone has a parking permit its for a reason!

    My friend has a false leg and and old man shouted at her so she took her leg off n his reply was it could be fake lol.

    My son has a permit too, he looks Normal but has heart and lung problems, he stops breathing in is sleep, he has eds too, possible marfans syndrome, he is tube fed but you wouldn’t notice, you would just think it was a rucksack on his back. He is also autistic, ADHD, OCD’s, torettes, needed home oxygen for yrs, then my daughter is deaf, kidney problems n will need a transplant, social delays too.

    My kids are hard work at times especially with me in a electric wheelchair but I have no family, indont leave the house for wks on end cause of pain ect n trip to shops might be the first time I leave house in wks so won’t struggle to walk to shop. I shouldn’t have to justify it to anybody why I’m ill.

  • Kathleen Kneisley

    I am 5’10 and 140 pounds. Definitely not short and fat. I was in a car accident caused by someone speeding, hitting another car and that car hit my car in which I was a passenger. I suffered severe trauma to my L4-L5 disks. I practically had to relearn how to walk. I was only 33 years old at the time and using a walker. 4 years later from that I had to have a spinal fusion because the rest of the disks went bad. All this trauma set my fibro into motion. It can also be hereditary. So learn your facts and information before you spew your venom and misinformation calling us gluttons.

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