In my house we always shared it with another family. Mom cooked Thanksgiving, the other family cooked Christmas dinner – it worked out well. Each of us only had to cook one big meal per year.
But in my house – ugh – what a hassle. We had to set the table 2 days ahead. We had to get the leaves that took our 70:” round dining table to a point where it stretched clear into the living room. We had to have the right tablecloth that dad washed and put away somewhere that he couldn’t remember last year. We had to find every piece of good silver and silver plate that was hidden all over the house.

The food – we always had the same food – sweet corn, peas and onions, mashed potatoes, yams, relish tray – why a relish tray? It’s not like everything was fresh – it was all frozen. Yep open the bag and cook. The mashed potatoes and yams too, they were frozen or canned. The pies were from a bakery – usually the grocery store bakery – now they’re from Costco. So the food wasn’t that special.

My brother and I usually escaped by doing the dishes. But to this day – I have problems understanding which of the flat ware is silver and which is silver plate and why you can’t wash them all together in the dishwasher.

Then the inappropriate people drink. Somewhere along the line – someone started the tradition of drinking butterscotch schnapps. Ick! Why would they do that! Why don’t we have better reception on the TV – we had a couple leave because of that one year!

I just don’t enjoy all of this.

The best Thanksgiving I ever had was the year that my mother in law died. Not for that reason though. She was going to be staying near my family for Thanksgiving and she was going to come over! Way cool! I was so looking forward to showing her how well I took care of my hubby and how yummy dinner was going to be. Then, she passed away suddenly. Hubby and I just couldn’t bear to be around for Thanksgiving. So we headed to the beach (off season), took the dogs and we had a ball. The dogs on the beach, having drinks and dinner in a bar with 4 other people, going to Ruby Tuesday’s for dinner and not having turkey, outlet shopping for Christmas on the way home. It was bliss.

I love to entertain – really I do. I don’t get to do it very often either. My husband and I share a home with my parents and as much as I live here – it’s their house. So, for the longest time – we had Thanksgiving “mom’s way”. Even when she insisted she could still cook a big dinner for everyone – when she couldn’t. She’s got COPD. One year, I came to the house, and was thrust into and apron and my brother and I had to finish dinner because she couldn’t. But even after that – she insisted she could. So it became a hassle because my mother would not let go.

The year that my mother spent 3 months in the hospital due to a massive heart attack, I cooked Thanksgiving at my brother’s house. We didn’t use fancy china, we used the regular flatware, I got to cook some different dishes – and everyone liked them too! Potatoes from scratch! Dad took a plate to mom at the hospital and she thought it was great. But we were back to ‘mom’s way’ the next year.

A few years ago, my brother put his foot down and announced he was having Thanksgiving at his house. Such drama! He cooked the turkey, I cooked the rest – and we had a ball – we even had time to watch the parades and marathon movies and TV shows. Why did this never happen when it was at mom’s? I didn’t get the idea she was having any fun when she was cooking – just fussing at my dad…

I do have good memories of thanks giving – waking up early in the morning smelling the celery, onion and sage of the stuffing that mom was prepping to put in the bird. If I got downstairs quick enough – I got to taste it for seasoning. Why cook it – it was good that way! The days of turkey leftovers afterwards – stuffing sandwiches. Turkey sandwiches mostly. Dad now makes a giant pot of turkey soup afterwards – he throws everything but the kitchen sink in it – and it’s usually pretty good.

But now, it’s arguing with mom that my brother can do Thanksgiving well. That having to take the extra china from here to his house (no – we can’t store it there) is ok. Explaining to her that it’s ok to rent table and chairs, even when we have a table that can extend like Stretch from the Fantastic Four. That he can handle cooking for 12 or 15. Really – she doesn’t need to buy a turkey from elsewhere and have it delivered – he can do that.
He does a nice job at Thanksgiving, really.

But Mom just won’t let go.

So, my hubby and I - we ditch Thanksgiving. The last year or two – we went away – just anywhere. This year I haven’t made plans to go anywhere yet – we may just sit in the movies all day and eat McDonald’s after.

Now you’re going to say that your mom is not long for this world and we should respect her wishes – even if it exhausts me and makes me cranky. Nope. I spend every day with my parents – I love them – really I do. Living with 2 80 year old parents is not always easy – really! So, I take my hassles daily. We live in their house, with the heat too high, not my kitchen even though I’m the one that cooks most of the time, dad doing what he wants with the dog even though we tell him not to feed him extra food, or leave him off the leash, and fixing the TV constantly because they don’t under stand how the satellite dish works, cooking food that is blander than we like, dad constantly second guessing my husband when he’s doing needed work on the house.

I’m thankful every day that I have a roof over my head, insurance, good doctors, a husband that hasn’t left me in spite of my illness and our living situation.

I’ll lead the troops in decorating the house outside for Christmas, I’ll decorate the inside of the house for Christmas, I’ll do the shopping for 12 people, wrap the gifts and stuff the stockings.

I am thankful, but I am letting go of the hassle that is Thanksgiving.

Essay by Linda Kasserman, butyoudontlooksick.com 2008