The days are longer and brighter and I can spend time each day outside, watching the flowers grow, or the white clouds move across the swirling blue sky. I feel as though all winter I have been "hibernating" and now that summer has come, I can get out and enjoy the things I have missed.

Unfortunately, much of my pain is effected by the weather and I feel completely different in good weather and bad. In the rain my bones ache, and in the cold I can hardly breath. I can watch the weather report and know which days will be good or bad, based on the weekly forecast. I have learned to plan my amount of "spoons" based
on either sun or rain. There are times when I think I live two different lives dependent on the weather. I feel healthier, I get more accomplished, and I am genuinely happier in nicer weather. Something as simple as the effects of weather is something most healthy people take for granted. They will not have to cancel, or change their plans for the day based upon the weather. They do not dread a certain season, due to how it will make them feel.

I used to spend all winter looking forward to spring, and spend all summer dreading the approaching cold season. It was a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Since it is hard to spend most of your time looking forward to the future, or trying to make up for the days past, I often grew resentful of time lost.

I am learning to appreciate the good days and not focus on the bad. I look at summer as a breath of fresh air, instead of the reminder of the healthy woman I was. I love feeling good and I plan on taking advantage of every moment I have, without anticipation of the days I may not feel my best. Summer is a wonderful treat, a glimpse of a day filled with spoons, possibilities, and hope. I want to live each day with a renewed sense of enthusiasm. I long for sunny days filled with excitement, instead of cynicism. I don't want to be hardened by my illness and I will work hard not to be. Those are my summer goals.

I do not want the weather to dictate my demeanor, or my level of enthusiasm and passion. I no longer want to live in a cloud because of the hint of rain. I want to have the sun shining bright in my heart even if it happens not to be in the sky.

Article written by Christine Miserandino, © 2008 butyoudontlooksick.com