ACCEPTANCE OF MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS
An essay submitted by one of our readers.
Denial serves a wonderful psychological purpose. Thus the “NO!! ” when someone gets terrible news. It is nature’s built in kindness to buffer the inevitable. Slowly, carefully, each according to his or her own psyche, we absorb the pain.
There are some medical diagnoses which, while not immediately life threatening, pretty much alter your life. At least eventually. Since lupus is my poster child, that’s the one I speak of here.
You learn very quickly that there is no cure. The disease may attack any of your major organs. Heart. Brain. Kidneys.
No! you think. No!.
You learn that there is treatment. You also learn that the treatment itself may kill you even if the disease does not.
No! you think. No!
If you are lucky enough to get relief from the medication at first, you can go about your normal life for a long time. You can still do your life’s work. Interact normally with friends and family. I must be one of the lucky ones, you think. I’m not as bad off as some people you hear about.
No! you think. No!
Then you get a flare and you’re knocked into bed and out of your life for a while. A week….longer.
No! you think. No! I’m just having a little setback here but I’m not sick.
Eventually you find yourself in bed more often and for longer periods. Or maybe the doctor decides to try stronger medication. With stronger side effects. You could have a remission that could last for years. Or not. In any event, finally, inexorably it dawns on you: I am no longer as I was before.
Your medical condition does not define you. But it does define your life. What you can and cannot do. The plans you can’t make because you can’t count on feeling well enough on any given date. The plans you want and need to make because you can’t count on anything anymore.
Yes, you whisper quietly to yourself.
Yes. I accept what is.
This is a defining moment. Now you are ready to grow.
Submitted by one of our readers aka "Psychscribe"
Comments
Very powerful essay - and oh, so true! I have relapsing-remitting MS and was able to "ignore" it for quite a few years until I finally had to accept that things have changed for good. But, as my brother keeps quoting me: "Life is still good!" - and that's the most important part - to keep thinking positively.
Posted by: Diane Petersmarck | January 13, 2008 01:40 PM
I found this article very interesting, and I agree with most of it. While I do not have lupus, and therefore am not entirely aware of the impacts of this illness on a person, I do have hydrocephalus. Hydrocephalus is a condition which can flare up at any time without warning, and (for me, anyway) requires immediate surgical treatment. Without this treatment I will die. I have missed (and will continute to miss) many opportunities in life due to this condition. Not least of which is travelling abroad. I would love to see more of the world, but my surgeons have always advised against travelling. Even travelling nationally needs to be planned for so i will have access to a surgeon quickly if required.
It is also difficult to explain to others how this condition affects me on a daily basis. There are days when I have splitting headaches, but I can't take medication in case it affects my work performance, so I am forced to put up with them, and just "soldier on". How can I explain these headaches to someone who has never had them?
I know I just have to accept my situation in life, but when I see everyone around me being able to take all the opportunities I can't, it is difficult to not become despondent.
Nat.
Posted by: Natalie Hyland | January 13, 2008 02:55 PM
I'm just (barely) crawling out of a major Lupus/RSD/Fibro flare that has lasted a few months. This article reminds me - I am always stronger on the other side.
Posted by: Pamela Glazebrook | January 14, 2008 07:27 AM
Wow. :o( umm... I've just got to that point... the point where you can't ignore what is wrong with you anymore... regretfully I've waited too long to get help and have serious medical issues that could have been avoided or at least put off if I had accepted something was wrong from the get go.
I have lupus with kidney and central nervous system issues... that I've ignored till they were severe.
Please, if you don't feel well, and you THINK something might be wrong GET HELP. If the first doctor dismisses you GO TO ANOTHER ONE and DON'T STOP TILL YOU HAVE THE ANSWER! you know your body best and if you think something is wrong... SOMETHING IS WRONG...GET HELP.
Don't wait like I did.
Posted by: Jamie | March 12, 2008 06:27 PM