Lupus Sucks!
My daughter Christine has a tee shirt with the above logo emblazened on it, and I have always disliked the crudeness of that phrase. Every time she wore that shirt I would wince and tell her how I hated that expression, but she would just laugh and smile an all knowing Mona Lisa smile. Well she has finally won me over to the dark side.
Christine has been sick for the past six weeks in the throes of a very bad Lupus flareup, probably the worst one she has experienced in a very long time- so long ago that I had forgotten how insiduous this disease could be. Most of the time Chris' Lupus causes pain and fatigue, with a few odd symptoms thrown in; like dry mouth, depression, swollen hands, cold feet, etc. This time there seems to be some swelling around the brain and Chris is now dizzy, unsteady, and unable to walk without the help of a walker. Her brain is also not processing stimuli properly and she often forgets what she is doing. I told her "Now you know what menopause feels like, but I don't think she saw the humor in the reference.
The other day she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and as she held the tube of toothpaste in her hand, she had forgotten what to do next. It took her a few minutes to process the situation and actually remember the simple steps in brushing her teeth. This is a situation I someday expected to experience with my aging parent- not my child, but when Chris relayed to me the incident, we both forced a laugh. That's when the thought briefly crossed my mind- "Lupus sucks."
Yesterday, I tried to play Scrabble with Chris, a game that we had always taken very seriously, each vying for the highest score. Chris struggled to concentrate and make 6 point words and it was then that the thought resurfaced- "Lupus sucks." There I said it out loud. There really is no other word that can best describe the total frustration of never knowing what part of the body Lupus will decide to attack next. I tried to say to myself "Lupus stinks." or "Lupus really is the pits!" but no other phrase seemed to have the emotional punch as "Lupus sucks." You don't even need to add an exclamation point- those two words say it all.
Now I understand why Chris says it alot. There's a freeing experience in at least acknowledging that something is indeed unfair and really sucks, and after you say it a few times.... you somehow feel empowered to handle life and go on.
So again let me make myself perfectly clear- Lupus sucks.
Thanks for listening.
Article written by: Janet Miserandino, Butyoudontlooksick.com, © 2006
